The Realm Eternal Resources Department
Seeking a replacement Thunder God for the canon Marvel Universe, Earth-616. Must be worthy enough to wield mystic enchanted hammer Mjolnir. Seeking to diversify; willing to accept women in this role. Need not be Norse to apply.
Position Reports To:
Your direct supervisor will be the head of the Norse pantheon, Odin Borson, the All-Father. Odin is known for his laissez faire leadership style, depending on your good judgement as to where your powers will be needed next. However, it is wise to avoid incurring his wrath because despite your raw capacity as the God of Thunder wielding on of Asgard’s mightiest weapons, Mjolnir, it pales in comparison to the cosmic might of his personal Odin-Force, the energy of the Realm Eternal bound within him. On the spot reviews are known to occur, without notice.
What does being the God of Thunder mean in Asgard?
- As the Asgardian God of Thunder, you will be expected to protect the Realm Eternal from a variety of threats, foreign and domestic. (For domestic terrorists see: Ulik, Surtur, and Loki)
- Foreign threats can be extraterrestrial, threats from rogue space empires, cosmic beings of vast capability such as Celestials or Heralds of the World Devourer, Galactus and other potential galaxy or even universe-level threats capable of wiping out all of existence as we know it. (See: Galactus; Thanos; Abraxas)
- There are also threats of an extra-dimensional nature including incursions from Niflheim, Jötunheimr and Hel. Threats from demonic realms are rare but have been known to occur. (See: Surtur, Dormammu, Shuma-Gorath)
- There are the occasional uprising in nearby dimensions of the Nine Realms which must be put down from time to time and the ever-present threats found on Midgard, the home of Humanity. (See: Red Hulk, Kang the Conqueror, Juggernaut)
As the God of Thunder you will be expected to act honorably with the integrity measured by your worthiness to wield the mystic warhammer Mjolnir. Such a powerful weapon should not be in the hands of just anyone and the device is capable of determining if you have been engaged in activities unbecoming a God of Asgard.
Please Note: Mjolnir will not stop you from engaging in normal activities such as drunken rages, casual destruction or the murder of threats to Asgard. Its worthiness requirements will vary wildly so one should expect to be on one’s best behavior or find oneself without the power of Thor at a crucial and often life-threatening moment (which will happen far more often than you might suspect.)
Some of What You’ll Do:
Handling Domestic Terrorism: Domestic terrorism is an ongoing threat in Asgard.
- You should be comfortable bashing giants in the head: At one time this was the primary job of the God of Thunder. Times being what they are, most giants have learned to leave Asgard alone with the exception of giant extremists such as Surtur the Magnificent (see below).
- This does not mean threats at home are insignificant. The Mistress of Hel, the sorceress Karnilla, and the crafty Prince of Asgard, Loki have all been implicated in plans against the throne of Asgard. However, they manage to find loopholes allowing them to continue to plot against the throne even while being thwarted. This is at least 30% of your job duties.
Being an Avenger: At least some of the time, you will be relegated to Midgard.
- Thor participates in the Norse Penance Program of being a part-time member of the superhuman defense group called the Avengers. Since Loki was the catalyst to creating the Avengers, Asgard has been involved in a form of restitution where Thor provides services on Earth in return for not being liable for any damages caused by the Prince of Asgard.
- These duties are usually light, rarely requiring your full capacity as a Thunder God. Being the physical cornerstone of the group affords you significant perks in the Avengers and every so often, a significant threat to Asgard has been detected in relationship to such an association with this human funded group. (See: Korvac/Michael; The Mad God Thanos) This can be anywhere from 5% to 25% of your job duties as needed.
Cosmic Ambassador of Asgard: In recent years, this part of the job has been relegated to fellow wielder of the Thor power, Beta Ray Bill.
- When engaged, you may find yourself engaged in pitched battles against foes whose powers rival or even exceed your own. You will find these missions extraordinarily exciting and wish you could spend more time there before returning to Asgard. But return you must.
- Foes discovered there will most likely follow you home to continue your mortal struggles, mostly because they find so little challenge where they live. Repelling such threats will take up about 10%- 25% of your job.
Other job duties will include:
- Repelling of the Midgard serpent, Jormungand’s attacks at the base of the World Tree Yggdrasil or other parts of the Nine Realms as needed. Rumored to be the son of Loki and thus cannot be killed due to potential scandal.
- Checking the chains on the Wolf of Asgard, Fenrir who cannot be killed due to his invulnerability and another possible relationship to the Prince of Asgard, Loki.
- Trash incineration using heavenly lightning discharges twice a month or as assigned.
This is a job that will require presence: You must be able to be intimidating just by being in the room. You have some cachet already being able to wield Mjolnir, but if studying you is a journey into mystery or you are able to confuse the King of Asgard as to your identity, this is an assured bonus. If you can beat the Odinson senseless with his former hammer, so much the better.
Excellent fighting skills: You should have the fighting capacity to hold your own against the Lady Sif and the Warriors Three, Asgard’s prime defenders of the Realm with any weapon, under any conditions. These champions have been defending Asgard for centuries! There will be a performance exam even if you pass the worthiness requirements. Without these skills, the threats of the Realm Eternal, even armed with Mjolnir will simply be greater than you can handle.
Knowledge of the Nine Realms: You should be able to navigate the Nine Realms without a map because Mjolnir will allow you to travel to realms beyond our own. Extra-dimensional travel should hold no fear for you.Being lost in the Negative Zone does not distress you in any way. Experience with the Dark Dimension and its hordes, the Mindless Ones fills you with battle lust and the desire for combat against nigh-indestructible enemies.
- The primary perk being the use of the most puissant of weapons, Mjolnir. The short handled warhammer has several abilities which make it one of the most powerful weapons in Asgard.
- The warhammer enables the wielder to fly at incredible speeds both on planet and in space. It has, in the past, been capable of interstellar flight as well.
- It may be thrown with incredible force and will return to the wielder after striking a target. Few things can prevent it from returning.
- Even the might of the Greek All-Father, Zeus, could only impede it for a second.
- It may summon storms and discharge lightning at targets. It may also project a variety of energies and force fields. It may also interrupt electromagnetic phenomenon around it such as magnetism and gravity.
- The hammer may not be picked up from the ground by anyone who is not worthy. It becomes immobile and quantum-locked to that location.
- However, note that a sufficient amount of ground around the weapon has been moved successfully allowing Mjolnir to be relocated. (See: SHIELD archives)
This job comes with a considerable history of a complex and oftimes confusing realm of science and sorcery. The are the messy squabbles that come with being a member of an immortal family, and though you will bear no blood relationship, your kinship through the power of Thor ensures you will become embroiled either as a proxy or as a tool to powers greater than yourself. You will also become part of a tradition of great heroes who have in the past wielded, even temporarily, the Power of Thor. Use it well. Use it wisely; for glory, for honor, for Asgard!
What happened to the previous Thor? Won’t he be defenseless without Mjolnir?
It is just that you worry about the former Thor; the Odinson has made many terrible enemies during his time as defender of Asgard. While it is true, the Odinson will no longer have the powers of the storm and Mjolnir at his command, the Realm Eternal is confident he will still be a valiant warrior of Asgard.
- His battle prowess is legendary. He has served at the vanguard of Asgard defenses for thousands of years. Armed with little more than a steak knife, the Odinson could still defeat an army of giants.
- He is still physically the strongest warrior in Asgard. Being both the son of Odin and the Earth Goddess Jord, gives him near-limitless strength and endurance, far beyond even the most battle-hardened Asgardian. Only the All-Father approaches his physical might.
- He will still have access to the considerable armory of Asgard and may return to using the Jarnbjorn, a personal weapon from an earlier age. Soaked in the Odinson’s blood, it is capable of damaging even a Celestial in combat.
- He will still have his Gauntlets and Belt of Strength, which double his physical strength and striking power. Reserved for situations of extreme duress due to the prolonged weakness after their use.
- The Odinson will still have a level of mobility. He has a chariot drawn by two mystic goats, Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr, capable of traveling across dimensions and even into space. As an added bonus, they may be eaten and as long as no bones are broken, they will resurrect themselves by the coming dawn.
Fear not for the Odinson, for glory will still be his in combat. Now apply for this position if you dare.
A final note: All enchantments on Mjolnir, both past and present are at the whim of the All-Father and may be added or rescinded without notice. This includes any limitations on the Power of Thor itself such as sixty seconds without Mjolnir causes severe power loss, random worthiness checks or the addition of frail mortal identities capable of being killed. Job offer only valid in the Earth-616 continuity. Marvel Cinematic Universe, Earth-19999, will not be affected by this transition.