“Good afternoon, ma’am, this is Todd, Farnsworth’s Monster Emporium and Deathray Dealership, how can I help you?”
“Yes ma’am, we make a variety of autonomous giant robots and death machines. Oh, you knew that already. One is chasing you. Is it yours? Okay, can you tell me the model? The instructions were incinerated during activation.”
“Ma’am stay calm. Where are you? Downtown. Can you find cover? Do that. Then I need you to describe the robot in question. Good. The police are already on the scene? A bit more of a problem but nothing we can’t handle.”
“Can I have your account number? I can look for your recent purchase records. I’m sorry ma’am we aren’t allowed to use your name to protect your anonymity during purchase. Your paperwork is burning along with the instructions. Yes, ma’am this means we will have to do this the hard way. Can you describe your robot to me? I’ll match it in our database.”
“Yes ma’am all of our models can throw automobiles fifty to seventy yards without a problem. You might want to move a little further away.”
“Bulging eyes, tiny head, long spindly arms and legs, shiny brass fittings. Dials on the chest. Does he emit death rays from his eyes? Yes, I can hold.”
“Was there a grey ash or a pile of smoldering flesh? Grey ash? Excellent! You are facing the Farnsworth Classic City Smasher from the 1940’s edition of our catalog. An excellent choice by the way.”
“I have excellent news, ma’am. This robot will stop on its own accord once it runs out of city to devastate. Oh, you didn’t plan to unleash it there. Okay let me escalate this to my manager. Please hold.”
“Good afternoon sir, my name is Todd, Farnsworth’s Monster Emporium and Death-ray Dealership, how can I help you? Okay, sir, calm down. You are falling out of an airplane? What is the product you are reporting a defect with sir? Speak up, please I can barely hear you over the wind.”
“Vortable Mole? I’m sorry sir, we don’t have a product by that name. Could you say that again? Ah. Portable Hole, yes sir, we license Mary Maven’s Portable Dimensional Ripper also called Portable Hole by common users, it’s a popular product. As licencors of the product we are able to help. What seems to be the defect?”
“Please calm down, sir. You dropped the container on an airplane and caused a discontinuity to open up beneath you. Did the discontinuity close behind you? I understand you probably can’t tell. Sir, I have to tell you this is not a defect in the product. It worked exactly as advertised. Is there anything else I can do for you? Sir? Sir?”
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