More Tales of Tech Support (3)

Forget Me Not

“Hello ma’am, Farnsworth’s Monster Emporium and Death-ray Dealership, how can I help you this morning?”

“Excuse me? You don’t know who you are? Do you know where you are?”

“There is a coffee shop on the corner of Fifth and Main, two blocks from where you’re standing. Go there. Up two blocks, then over one. If I may be so bold how did you get this number? Your phone lists it as an emergency number. Is there an additional number there? Read it to me please.”

“Ma’am, your identity is secured by our company’s security system but I can tell you the last purchase you made is probably involved. Three days ago, you bought a pair of “Inspection Deflection” Secret Identity Glasses. Are you wearing a pair of glasses by any chance? They would be stylish, with a tiny gear and wrench icon on one of the inner arms. You might want to take them off until we finish our conversation. That bad, huh. Okay, wait until you get to the coffee shop and try to avoid looking at any mirrors or highly reflective surfaces until you get there. If you catch a glimpse of your reflection, you may forget more of your short term memory.”

“Yes, ma’am, I’m a friend of the family, Todd. You are walking to a coffee shop. Fifth and Main. Just look down until you get there. Can I ask you a few questions while you walk? Can you remember how long you have been wearing the glasses? All the time. You had them made with prescription lenses. Hmmm.”

“Can you remember anything from yesterday, like going to your day job? Think carefully, did anyone there act as if they had never seen you before? You were arrested by your company’s security team? Yes, ma’am, that qualifies. They didn’t recognize you after the second day of wearing the glasses. No ma’am the product is not defective. You’re at the coffee shop. Good. Now you’ll need to get a pen and paper. Since your memory has been compromised, you may have trouble remembering parts of this conversation.”

“No, they weren’t supposed to make people think you were someone else. They’re initially designed to make people not notice you, or not look too closely at you. They reinforce the mental image you have of someone you want them to see. But I suspect the problem occurred when you got up this morning, you put your glasses on and looked in the mirror wearing them, didn’t you? You fell asleep in them. It’s okay ma’am, it happens to almost everyone who uses them. The memory manipulation will work on the wearer just like any one else who sees you.”

“The erasure will only last for a day or so. We recommend you don’t wear the “Deflectors” when you are going to use mirrors for more than a few minutes or around people for longer than eight hours a day, as the perception filter has a cumulative effect, making people slowly forget who you are. That can include you. You can end up living your secret identity as your only identity.”

“Your prior representative should have suggested our ruby quartz filter enhancement, since you were having a prescription applied to provide you some resistance to the effect. I can have someone come to the coffee shop and set you up in a hotel until your memory returns. No ma’am, this won’t cost you anything, you are one of our preferred members. I will also have two extra pairs of glasses made, one set will be an Inspector Deflector set and a normal pair to wear around the house. Yes, ma’am, I will make sure you can tell them apart. Thank you for shopping with us. I am glad I could be of service. Yes, you can ask for me when you call. My name is Todd. Todd Alexander. Thank you for shopping Farnsworth’s Monster Emporium and Death-ray Dealership.”

“Good afternoon, Farnsworth’s Monster Emporium and Death-ray Dealership how may I help you? She’s gone? Did anyone see her? I see. Looking in her compact. I will make the necessary notes in her file. Thank you for going out in any case. You guys have a cup of coffee on me.”

Client account suspended due to possible memory loss. Recommend updating information packing with “Inspector Deflector” product line. Also recommend on site training in the use of the product line. This is the fifth such incident in the last year. Escalating account to management for further consideration.